Thursday, 15 April 2010
Real Intimacy
Intimacy is about revealing the self, but the ‘self’ is not revealed on command.
We all have an underlying need for real intimacy, beyond just sex. There is a great need in people to connect intimately with others. When we try too hard or in predictable ways to create intimacy, we generally fail.
Engaging in sex allows a couple to experience great physical intimacy in a very short time. However, after the thrill wears out, they may find themselves stuck in a rut of feeling very close physically, but not much else. While sex may be very pleasurable for a couple, it is better to wait until marriage to experience sex.
Psychologists believe that our drive for sex is not limited to just physical needs. Often, our desires are rooted in the deeper emotional needs for affirmation, closeness, and security. Sex can only really satisfy when all these are met in the context of a loving relationship. If we fail to meet these needs, sex may just end up hurting us more.
So whether you are in the dating stage or already engaged to that ‘special someone’, seize the moment and enjoy the process of discovering who your partner really is. What are his or her needs outside of sex, and how can you help to meet those needs.
Spend quality time doing things together. Discover the strengths in each other and affirm those things. Be honest about the ugly side of your partner, and help him or her to become a better person through your encouragement.
That is real intimacy.