Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Twenty Reasons To Drop Twenty Pounds For Males
1. Abs turn people on. Fats just spoil everyone’s appetite.
2. Because you whine that you need to. Have you ever been wrong about anything?
3. Every time you pick up a twenty pound dumbbell, you will remember.
4. It decreases your chances of developing back pain, depression, diabetes, gallstones, heart diseases, high blood pressure, impotence, joint problems, low sperm counts, prostate cancer, sleep apnea, and an impressive collection of prescription drug bottles. The list goes on.
5. It increases your chances of putting four fingers on a basketball rim.
6. It is not scaling a mountain or writing a great novel. You can do it in your spare time.
7. It is the difference between being thought of as jolly or witty.
8. In our society, people respect weight loss. Even if you do nothing cool, interesting, or memorable for the rest of your life, you will have done that.
9. Men who lose weight never have less sex. They may not have more, mind you, but they never have less.
10. More pull-ups, because there is less to pull up.
11. Research shows that since you will have less weight propelling you into the windshield, you will also have less risk of dying when your car hits a semi.
12. The clothing cliché 'It is liberating the first time your pants fall down by themselves'.
13. The statement 'There is more of me to love' has an actual bedroom translation of 'There is more of me to endure'.
14. Twenty pounds of human fat can refill every bottle in an empty case of beer, with enough left over to fill your blender.
15. Wait till you ride a bicycle when you are twenty pounds lighter. Vroom, baby.
16. You will be able to reach even more places to scratch.
17. You will literally get closer to women, like seriously.
18. You will lose weight everywhere, including the suprapubic fat pad at the base of your penis. So as your belly shrinks, something else appears to grow.
19. You will speak of toaster pastries the way you talk about that dirty blonde from the blues bar, another whisky-soaked lament over a love too great to last.
20. You will shock the world at your swimming pool by being the only ‘big splash’ champ to win the ‘little splash’ crown.